phyllida barlow

 came across this via insta and was taken with it just for this if nothing else - 

There are plenty of artists who don't have exhibitions, there is plenty of art that is never seen. … Making work that does not have a destination has it's loneliness and its sadness about it, and many artists endure that for their entire lives, and it's heroic.

i guess, these days, i would fall firmly into that camp but i don't find anything sad or lonely, let alone heroic about it. so much of 'recognition' it seems to me, is about external validation. i've got no need for any of that. i got published loads when i was writing but it just made me miserable. doing visual art, whether it was making it, or being involved in the business of selling, really wasn't any better.

i feel incredibly fortunate that creativity for me is a means to life not a way of life. i have no external deadlines, no gatekeepers, no need to be standing about, virtually or irl, droning on about art/writing etc. i am absolutely free to do what i want, when i want and to encourage others to do the same. it's a great mode of being!

*i'll make an exception for music, which is fabulous when it's shared. but, sadly, i'm rubbish at it. not that that's a bad thing - i'd wholly recommend having something you do, that you're just not good at, or at least only good enough to properly appreciate people who are. i still feel massively lucky to be part of the continuum of music. all of it really (even writing, which i'm gradually. gradually making my way back to after being pretty broken by all the publishing shenanigans) is just a joy

labels

do photographers talk more about their work rather than actually doing it more than any other creative types? except poetry types obviously! lol but, facetiousness aside, i was quite interested in this in the way it talked about validation in relation to creative output. me, i don't publish/sell anything anymore, partly because, with visual art in particular, people kept keeping my money and/or my stuff, but mainly because that whole side of things just made me miserable.

am i lessened by it? in real terms, definitely not. i'm at a rich point in my 'creative journey' and living my best life. at the same time i haven't escaped my consumerist culture in that, if i'm not selling, am i really 'an artist'? not that bothered but interesting to think about 

stallion theory

this was a happy little pop up on my yt algorithm the other day not least i was just after what i was planning on doing over the course of the next six to eight months. most of what he says in the vid is self evident but seeing as my personal deadline is now within the foreseeable future being unshambolic about getting things done has taken on a bit more urgency!

reece wilson

to be fair, i didn't know much about reece wilson beyond his flying scotsman moment. downhill isn't, and never has been my thing. that said, cycling is cycling so there's always something of interest. and, it turns out, he's well known in my bike shop! in this case it's the psychological aftermath of the crash, the 'flow' that he describes, that'll be familiar to anyone creative. and, while he seems to have a healthy fatalism, i'm never less than taken aback by the sheer scale of the dumbassery of youth - making my body ache less as a result of far less physical hammering than he's doing to himself, is a daily practice for me of necessity! lol

tasks and their management

the notion that disinterest (under the terry riley vid) might have affected my creative output is still niggling me. did it really? am i that bothered with what other people think? while i'm in possession of an ego there's got to be a bit of that but it doesn't make much sense to me. so i was interested in this vid.

i've always been writing or drawing, all my life. latterly i was successful at getting my stuff published, primarily poetry, with about 1 in every 3 things that i submitted getting out. but, despite all that, i found myself getting ever more miserable and, eventually, i just gave it up. these days i don't write poetry at all and it's only very recently i've even begun to read it again.

i'm interested in this connection between 'reward' and action, or the commodification of creativity if you like, and what i've found i've been doing in the intervening years is trying to get back to what i was doing when i was a kid - drawing because it was fun, writing stories just to see what happens. i've found the same process in cycling. i've aged out of interest in any sort of racing, endurance etc and i'm trying to get back to that sense of just going out and mucking about on my bike.

similarly at work, which actually does make a tangible difference to people's lives, i feel very lucky to be at a stage of my career where i can focus on the little things and appreciate their importance

maybe i should've listened more when people talked about it not being the destination but the journey! lol

isolation is the gift

i've been thinking about that last post and my comment about disinterest and i'm not sure the tone is right. i've been very fortunate, altho i did put the work in, with the likes of writing but at the same time, while i got published a lot, it never made me happy, to the extent that it actually affected my ability to do work and now, it's fair to say. i rarely, if ever, write poetry. plus i was pushing my form and i wasn't carrying anyone along with that, particularly when it came to sound work.

by lovely coincidence i came across the following quote from bukowski just recently. i'm feeling i'm finally at a stage where i can commit to isolation, commit to work, recognise the privilege i have in being able to do it, and just get on with it. i'm not bothered about publication, exhibiting, performance, any of that, just the work. the result? i'm happier than i've been since i was a little kid having a day drawing. 

If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don't even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery--isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you'll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is.

then, by another coincidence i came across this video with marianne engberg which, much like the last one with terry riley, shows an artist well into their twilight years. but mainly i liked it because of the patience. the idea that one could take a picnic into their living room just to watch the light is, to me, a fabulous one. further, that notion of not taking short cuts with experimentation, finding your own way, really has resonance (and not just because i'll be doing more calotypes, solargrams etc this year). i struggle with time sometimes and i don't prioritise sitting and taking some time, something that not doing much in the way of sound recording these days hasn't helped. but it's a useful reminder that to work one has ot have space tp pause, to breathe.....

terry riley

i get a fair amount of chat from people i used to know about me not working, mostly about writing. it's really not true that i'm not working, i'm doing lots, not so much writing but i'm working my way back to it. what is true that, before i left, and even moreso since i've been back from sweden, is the disinterest (or even avoidance! lol) that's met my work here.*

hence to terry riley, who's been a bigger influence on my writing, and how i present it, than anything else i can think of. i see him here and i look forward to keeping at creative work no matter how old i get. plus what a massive privilege it is just to be able to be involved in any of the work that i'm doing. what a legend!

*which isn't to say i've not had some lovely interactions here but there's a commitment to, as well as respect for, creativity in the likes of sweden that, in my experience, is not the norm here.

do the work

 'if you want something you've never had before you have to do something you've never done before'. lots of good stuff in this.

found poetry

not so much found poetry as poetry being where you find it. i've been a fan of napowrimo in the past but have found over the years that the prompts surrounding this exercise, after a while, become a bit same old same old. at least that is until i came across the found poetry review's list of prompts (tho they should properly be described as exercises) for napowrimo 2016.

these are dazzling. all poets and, more importantly people who wouldn;t describe themselves as poets, should get into these if only to challenge themselves about language can do. following these posts the poetry is, if anything, incidental. i was loving the creativity of approach, the manner in which i found myself challenged.

i haven;t done so yet but one day soon i'm going to have a day where i just work thru these just in order to see what comes out the other side