what am i doing

after reading the recent neruda entry T asks me who the person on the blog is which leads to a conversation about masks, presentation and re-presentation, about what we mean by knowing. which kind of answers the question i think.

or perhaps it's more than that. after all i have other diaries. i maintain a book/film diary. something i've done since the old swiss lounge, though there i was finding that the context in which i was interpreting the events surrounding the meaning i attributed to each book/film were becoming too specific to keep online. plus i was neglecting both the reading of, and the posting of poetry, which was what i was wanting to do at the start.

i've also got a travel journal that i keep intermittently, tho now becoming on the habit of his type of diary keeping my definition of what constitutes travel is expanding. there's also the picture diary and, as soon as i get the equipment and someone to aid me in the software side, there'll be the sound diary, something i'm very keen to start

in combination all the above plus everything else that's going on means that i watch very little tv, somethng that can only be for the good. as to the point of it all, i'm not so sure. i'd hoped that the mere act of writing would encourage me to more creative work and, to an extent this has been successful, i am writing more tho for reasons i can't explain painting seems to have reached a hiatus. i'd hoped diary/journal keeping might be exploratory and i suppose it is but T's question leads me to ask if i'm confirming or reinventing myself, securing an identity by writing it down. is that what i'm doing? i find the notion curiously troubling

then again it could be that, still unable to walk very far let alone get on the bike, i'm just very bored!