Wednesday, 19 August 2009

a day in, or why eddy merckx is more of a man than me

no bike today. or even possibly tomorrow.

it appears that as a consequence of four days riding in the scottish 'barbecue summer' the continuous soaking has caused my poor wee buttocks to give up the ghost and develop some decidedly unperky saddle sores.

or as t more succintly puts it - baboon arse.

we have an exchange on this subject - i think it's more zoologically accurate to term it mandrill arse - but neither of us has the will to look it up on google.

in the meantime i must type on my knee, read on my belly, lie on my side. oh the indignity of it all....

merckx on the other hand had a perineal operation prior to the 1974 tour. it hadn't healed for the race but no matter. he commented later that after the prologue his shorts were soaked in blood and they stayed that way for the rest of the tour. which he won.

there are many reasons that eddy merckx is more of a man than me and this is one of them. the very thought of knife and perineum appearing in my personal lexicon has me wincing.

(on the upside i have got margaret atwood's the door to read)

11 comments:

Sorlil said...

ouchy, he almost sounds almost brave enough to give birth!

swiss said...

yes, i'd neglected to think of that angle!

that said, i had a bit of a discussion at work the other week on just this very subject where the usual conversational battle lines were drawn along the lines of 'if only men gave birth it would be so different'

quite right i replied. if me and tam (the butt of most of this jollity) were pregnant i said then we wouldn't be wearing any tabard like affair but crop tops. tam i would say, mine's is bigger than yours. then we'd compare outies. tam, i suggested would have flames tattooed up his belly. it wouldnt be a question of stretch marks but how many.

waters breaking? yes, but what volume? episiotomy the obstetrician would say, a glint in his eye, if you think you're hard enough.

and that's just the outline version. yes, women should be glad that it's not us who give birth. it would be very different indeed!

strangepress said...

no way is anyone going to offer to 'kiss it better' with that kind of descriptive! *wince*

'speaking of giving birth' i broke the news to an ex-boyfriend the other (messy) day that 'they' had cut me... i heard the boys laughing about the episiotomy (why?) and i said listen fellas it's no laughing matter and the ex-boyfriend had to interject that he 'couldn't tell' that i'd been altered in that way... also he had to mention to everyone in the place that he wasn't able to hardly tell that i'd given birth in the first place...then he went on to regale us with the many, many worries he'd had beforehand 'because he had never been with a mom before'.

WINCE
WINCE
WINCE

AND THAT IS ONE OF THE MANY REASONS WHY HE IS MY EX BOYFRIEND. AND WHY HE WILL STAY THAT WAY.

swiss said...

that picking talent you have is just a gift that just doesn't stop giving isn't it? ; )

strangepress said...

:-P

Rachel Fox said...

I now know far more than I need to about your arse. Nasty.
x

Niamh B said...

Eddy sounds like a strange man, not the type I'd like to have giving birth to my babies.

swiss said...

eddy's some sort of something. in 1975 he crashes and breaks his jaw but refuses to abandon on the grounds that the victory for bernard thevenet would be devalued.
nut job but top guy!

Sorlil said...

reminds me of my ex-boss who got hit by a shinty ball during a match which burst a very delicate part of his anatomy but he refused to stop playing until the end of the game!

apprentice said...

It sounds like revenge for childbirth to me -more men should cycle!

Roxana said...

'in the meantime i must type on my knee, read on my belly, lie on my side. oh the indignity of it all....'

oh you have all my sympathy!!!!!
and you know how much i mean that :-)