tasks and their management

the notion that disinterest (under the terry riley vid) might have affected my creative output is still niggling me. did it really? am i that bothered with what other people think? while i'm in possession of an ego there's got to be a bit of that but it doesn't make much sense to me. so i was interested in this vid.

i've always been writing or drawing, all my life. latterly i was successful at getting my stuff published, primarily poetry, with about 1 in every 3 things that i submitted getting out. but, despite all that, i found myself getting ever more miserable and, eventually, i just gave it up. these days i don't write poetry at all and it's only very recently i've even begun to read it again.

i'm interested in this connection between 'reward' and action, or the commodification of creativity if you like, and what i've found i've been doing in the intervening years is trying to get back to what i was doing when i was a kid - drawing because it was fun, writing stories just to see what happens. i've found the same process in cycling. i've aged out of interest in any sort of racing, endurance etc and i'm trying to get back to that sense of just going out and mucking about on my bike.

similarly at work, which actually does make a tangible difference to people's lives, i feel very lucky to be at a stage of my career where i can focus on the little things and appreciate their importance

maybe i should've listened more when people talked about it not being the destination but the journey! lol