isolation is the gift

i've been thinking about that last post and my comment about disinterest and i'm not sure the tone is right. i've been very fortunate, altho i did put the work in, with the likes of writing but at the same time, while i got published a lot, it never made me happy, to the extent that it actually affected my ability to do work and now, it's fair to say. i rarely, if ever, write poetry. plus i was pushing my form and i wasn't carrying anyone along with that, particularly when it came to sound work.

by lovely coincidence i came across the following quote from bukowski just recently. i'm feeling i'm finally at a stage where i can commit to isolation, commit to work, recognise the privilege i have in being able to do it, and just get on with it. i'm not bothered about publication, exhibiting, performance, any of that, just the work. the result? i'm happier than i've been since i was a little kid having a day drawing. 

If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don't even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery--isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you'll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is.

then, by another coincidence i came across this video with marianne engberg which, much like the last one with terry riley, shows an artist well into their twilight years. but mainly i liked it because of the patience. the idea that one could take a picnic into their living room just to watch the light is, to me, a fabulous one. further, that notion of not taking short cuts with experimentation, finding your own way, really has resonance (and not just because i'll be doing more calotypes, solargrams etc this year). i struggle with time sometimes and i don't prioritise sitting and taking some time, something that not doing much in the way of sound recording these days hasn't helped. but it's a useful reminder that to work one has ot have space tp pause, to breathe.....