Wednesday, 14 October 2009

things one should not do

favours. especially those involving computers.

can you do a book for the writers group i am asked.
no problem i say. 35 lines for poetry, asap.
1st arrival, 52 lines. nice

but that's okay and not altogether unexpected. no worries. just send me the stuff when you've got it. and it arrives, no content but some odd files and the message, i've just laid it out. uh-huh. but you can't send the layout given the programme we're using.

if you just put it in a folder with the files.

WHERE IT WILL BREAK MY COMPUTER

sorry about that, will i just send it anyway?

roughly translated, you've shown me what to do and i'm going to piss about, piss you about, waste your time and go off and do something completely different. excellent.

and while i'm on the subject. deadlines.

is there something in the 'creative' brain that can't process the concept?
i fear there must be as i'm sitting waiting at the moment for work (illustrations) which i'm not only using to publicise the person making it, but which i'm also paying them for! what am i getting? nothing, nothing at all, that's what.

then last night's gem as we embark on another new venture i get asked but how is it getting funded? well that'd be me. which of course i should realise is the wrong answer because in arty world poetry really is supposed to make things happen, as opposed to money which actually does.

even the venal world of advertising is better. but at least i'm not in the theatre. i swear to god if someone mentions 'craft' to me this week outside the world of cheese i won't be responsible for what happens.

* you can scotticise any of the above by inserting any of the popular expletives we know and love anywhere in the text. and frequently

7 comments:

Titus said...

Love the poem, adore the rant.
Sometimes, it's all you can do.

sunnydunny said...

You left out: You won't mind if we don't mention you in the acknowledgements, it's just [insert name here] has done so much work on it.

swiss said...

ah colin, sometimes it's the subtle blade that cuts the deepest! in this case it's, yes you've done the work, now we've taken it, put our name on it, oh yes and not only will we not be acknowledging you we 'forgot' to use anything of yours. charming!

and titus, you're right, a cathartic rant is a beautiful thing
even if this one, absent of the demotic loses a bit!

Roxana said...

can i add romanian expletives as well? :-) "deadlines"!!! how i hate them - i have been struggling with two these days (which explains my silence here in this other world) and i am so grateful to for this rant.
oh, and don't get me started on technical stuff, i am still unable to edit my shootings (i tried to shoot a bit of video with my new camera) because the damn things just refuse to do what they are supposed to :-(

swiss said...

it's a conspiracy! lol

i thought you'd become buried under papers. hopefully you'refinished now.

Roxana said...

nooo - on Tuesday i'll leave for a conference, be back in the week-end. well, at least i will get to travel to Trasylvania a bit.

swiss said...

all that talking!

i escaped for a night in the hills last night. lots of (sort of) silence. i'll post a pic later. it was great!